Conversations

Just like attitudes, conversations that we have every single day affect not only others but they have a profound effect on ourselves. It is so easy to be negative especially when we need to vent.

However, positive conversations can also vent when a complaint is worded in a constructive manner. I think that anyone would feel better if they made the effort to work on making their conversations with other people positive.

Imagine the ripple effect that positive attitudes and positive conversations can cause. If you can help another person to get out of a negative mood, they can in turn help someone else. The downside is that negative conversations add to the down mood that another person may be experiencing.

What do you think?

Attitudes

Author Nicholas Boothman discusses two categories of attitudes in his book, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less. One is a Really Useless Attitude. We all know what this can be. We complain, we can be rude, we can be mean.

What good are these attitudes if you are seeking to get what you want? Remember the KFC method of knowing what you want, find out what you are getting, and change what you do until you get what you want. Really Useless Attitudes only serve to vent your frustrations. Ocasionally they will get you want you want, but overall they work against you.

Of course, the other category is Really Useful Attitudes. It is amazing what a good attitude will get for you. Respect, Cooperation, Forgiveness...

Having a Really Useful Attitude can work against your normal grain but it always works for you. Give it a try.

The Strength Multiplier

Here is an interesting concept from Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath. If you consider your talent and your investment in that talent, give them a numerical value, and then multiply them, you will arrive at a strength factor.

Let's begin by considering your talent in a give area, let's say playing the piano, and grade yourself from 0 to 5 with 5 being an expert. Talent here is defined as a natural way of thinking, feeling, or behaving. Then evaluate your investment in that talent, defined as the time spent practicing, practicing, developing your skills, and building your knowledge base. Again, rate your effort from 0 to 5. Multiply these two figures together to arrive at a strength rating, defined as the ability to consistently provide near-perfect performance at playing the piano.

So if you are a very gifted pianist, say a 5, but only practice sporatically, say a 3, then your strength factor is only a 15. On the other hand, even if you love playing and practice diligently, say a 5, but only have the gift of a 2-rated player, you max out at a strength of 10.

If you really love playing the piano and understand that the best you can be is a 10, that is just fine as a past time. However, when it comes to your career, if you really have a passion for a vocation, but your gift value is only a 1 or a 2, you really might consider finding a field where you are a 4 or 5 talent so that your passion can be turned into strength.

For more information, click on the title of this post. Better yet, consider buying the book, Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath.

The Platinum Rule

A few years ago, I attended a series of seminars in Cleveland given by a group called Peak Performers Network. At one of the sessions, a CD of the previous presentation was given out and I, of course, filed it without remembering I had it.

We recently stumbled across it and I almost threw it away because I did not remember what it was. By some stroke of luck, I kept is and decided to give it a listen. I am very glad that I did because the program by Tony Allesandra was great.

His presentation is actually a great follow up to "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less." In it Tony explains four types of communication styles, Director, Relator, Thinker, and Socializer. He goes into great detail to explain the four different styles and claims that we may all have one or more of these styles. I totally agree.

For more more information on The Platinum Rule, click on the title of this post.

Summary on connecting with other people

After finishing "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less," I searched for an idea or two that summarizes why this book makes sense. Let me quote from author, Nicholas Boothman:

The secret of success is not hard to figure out. The better you are at connecting with other people, the better the quality of your life.

That is a very strong statement but makes good sense. If you choose to work at connecting with other people, creating a very useful attitude, and try to understand others, the quality of your relationships will certainly improve.

Give this book a try. You can locate information by clicking on the title of this post.

What kind of learner are you?

In How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, Nicholas Boothman describes three types of learning preferences involving our senses. People can be grouped into those who are predominantly visual, auditory, or kinesthetic.

First, it is helpful to understand which category best describes you. Then, in order to facilitate communication and connection with others, it helps to understand the characteristics of others. Even though this may seem like a lot of work, using some elements of this practice will surely help you to connect better with others.

for more information on the subject, click on the headline of this post and it will take you to the book. I have found all of the advice given by Boothman in this book to be very helpful.

Congruity in Communication

Author, Nicholas Boothman, reminds us in his book "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less," that congruity in communication is essential to making connections. By this he means that your words, voice tone, and body language must all be saying the same thing to be believed.

Consider the facial expressions and voice tones that you use in communicating to others and make sure that your tones and body language back up the content of what you are saying. If you just act naturally, congruity should follow. Be careful to limit sarcasm which, by definition, mixes opposite messages sent through words and tone.

To create a sense of openness, work on establishing a posture and tonality of honesty and empathy. Concentrate on making the communication about the idea and not about yourself. Make people like you by following the advice found in Boothman's book.